Monday, June 25, 2007

Beauty in Aging

Speaking of beauty, here's one to tickle your rib:

Subject: Face lift

A woman decides to have a face lift for her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?""About 32," is the reply."I'm exactly 47," the woman says happily.A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. She replies, "I guess about 29.""Nope, I'm 47."Now, she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drugstore on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but,thank you." While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you exactly how old you are." They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay,...how old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 47." Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?" The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?" No, I won't get mad", she says."I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

8 comments:

C C ramirez said...

Colonel,

Please do your duty and arrest that septuagenarian creep.

Hope this is not a true story. If it was, I am sure there is a number of fire-breathing Batch 63 ladies wanting to lay their 60+ year-old hands on him and to string him up the school flagpole after they have finished with him.

Pilar Villegas Cuevas said...

What a heck story! Cora for sure this is not a true story. As if I am seeing the face of Ernesto smiling while posting this story.

Ed Benjamin said...

Ernie:
This story is cute. But if it's true, I'd lock up that 47 year old woman instead, for being such a dope! Sorry, that was a harsh word. Gullible, perhaps? Ha! Ha! Ha!

josie javier-macalua said...

uh, uh... you, pilyo you! how could you?

count me in, azon. MAKIBAKA! HUWAG MATAKOT!

C C ramirez said...

It's a sad world indeed when people call for the gullible, the vulnerable, the dopey, the weak, the stupid, the lackeys, the victims to be punished rather than the predators, the villains, the vultures, the leeches, the perverts.

The word Justice has just taken on a new meaning.

Colonel, what was that PMA motto again?

neliaamparo said...

mga friends, akala ko ba,mga mature people kayo? para kayong hindi mga baby boomers.anyway ako ang peacemaker,kaya ako ang referee.sino kaya ang papanigan ko?i have to be neutral.peru hindi rin ako mature kaya hindi ako puweding magdecide,bahala na nga kayo.....he,he,he. love, nelia

ErnestoDR said...

Cora, now that you can respond to a seemingly uncouth behaviour of a septuagenarian with a hint of repugnance, I am certain you are feeling good right now. Karias called me the other day saying you were under the weather.
Of course we talked about other things.
Anyway, the problem I gleaned about this situation is that I cannot arrest a perpetrator where the victim gave her 100% consent to the act.
Perhaps both the victim and the (bloody!)perpetrator enjoyed the moment while it lasts. What do you say?
I thought it was just to tickle one's rib, but I guess I stirred a hornet's nest.

C C ramirez said...

I am the sadder for your comment, Colonel. Heard that montrous defence before when generally male molesters were brought to lawcourts: "she asked for it; she should not have been in that place at that time; should not have worn that; should not have said that; should not have been a tease; it was consensual". In other words it's the female's fault that they have been taken advantage of; that because she was stupid, she deserved it. What happened to gallantry, decency, integrity? When did the knights in shining armour turn into knaves?

And how could a 47 year-old woman who had just spent a fortune to look years and years younger enjoy being mauled by a hormonally-depraved geriatric, even granted that she was obviously stupid? Reconstructed ladies usually set their eyes on younger partners. Unless, aha, she was not telling the truth about her real age. For all we know she was actually 80 years old and had brilliantly duped everybody including that dessicated toad with her 47-gone- 30 tale. If this were the case, who was the dunderhead?

Whatever, do us all a favour and get them both arrested and publicly executed for triggering this cyberspace melee. They have put aging (which batch 63 is now being confronted with) in a very unfavourable light.