Friday, August 7, 2009

Some Reflections on Friendship

Batchmates, I wish to share you this piece which was sent to me by a friend of over thirty years ,Rev.Fr.Thomas Matthew ,an Indian healing priest, OSA (Order of San Agustin) He was ordained in the Philippines and did missionary work in the Philippines,India and USA.

On friendship day, celebrated in India on August 2, people exchange gifts and give their presents to the friends. We have heard the famous dictum that "A friend in need is a friend indeed and Friendship means a lot in life”.

At times it is not easy to find a good friend to trust and to share. A friend offers a crying shoulder too. A friend consoles and walks with us like a shadow. A friend is a great gift of the Lord and a great guide and counselor too. In Indian tradition, people tie a string on the wrist of the friend and renews that friendship yearly and this particular ceremony happens on friendship day.

We need friends to give us support. Happy are the people who found a good friend. In my case, I cherish friendship forever. At times my wrong attitudes and arrogant words make and made my friends suffer and some of them I lost.


Friendship involves a lot of risk and careful and even tactful dealings. At times considerable quantity of diplomacy is also imperative to keep up long term friendship. at times it is difficult and painful to keep up friendship. In friendship we need to give and take. Selfishness has little part in friendship. Friendship involves careful giving and respectful receiving as well.


When two people become friends, it is possible that one or both begin to think that there is ultimate freedom with the friend. I call this attitude as a false one. With that false notion, either of them or one of them start sharing the inner pains and also start showing his or her frustration and even anger. One or both the friends might imprudently utter pain causing words . ( I think friendship may not enough to deal with personal hurts incurred in life . It needs professional counseling and one needs to be healed so we may behave properly with our friends). Inadequate expression of feelings can severely damage or cause mortality in friendship.

I have come to realize that friendship involves a lot of freedom but that freedom is very vulnerable Freedom in friendship is restricted. In fact my freedom ends where the other persons nose begins. Humans by nature get hurt by the words spoken in anger or even in sadness by the friends. Gradually people tend to think " even though I have done so much for my friend, that friend treats me as though I am nothing ".This painful feeling may not have been there initially but eventually the hurtful words can culminate in the breakup , in weakening of friendship, or it could also effect change in friendship.

When friendship suffers, friends might start fearing each other. One or both the friends start wearing a protective armor so that the friend may not hurt through words or deeds. fear might eliminate a lot of freedom and even friendship might be lost. fear is detrimental or unhealthy in friendship.

Losing an intimate friend is a great pain for everyone. It is as though half of the heart is taken out. It could be between spouses or parents and children and or between siblings and or between friends.

I think even Jesus suffered gravely at Gethsemane prior to the departure from his disciples who were friends of Jesus. Jesus told them "I do not call you just fiends". Jesus counted them as coheirs with him . Jesus counted the disciples as part of his own self. It is true between human friends too. Friend feel that the friends are part of their entire system . When his disciples left, Jesus was heart broken.

Loss of friendship is heart breaking. There are no words to express the pain due to loss of friendship. Yes friendship involves heart wrenching pain . We could only take care of friendship the best possible way with kind words, and it might be helpful to deal with friends amicably and God has a Lion’s share in fomenting friendship.


orionjri said...

Words of wisdom, food for the soul.
Thanks, Luz. You must be a most capable youth counsellor, judging by the beautiful articles on human relationships that you have posted.

"(True)Friendship" is such a big word. It is almost impossible to define it without limiting it. Your post provides a heartwarming viewfinder into it.

Thank you, again.

lucille said...


I am a self proclaimed counselor and had some training in such. I took a certificate course in Career Development at Ateneo de Manila. I am making use of my competence in my work now.
I could be of service to our batch .