Sunday, October 7, 2007

Loving Difficult People

I am sure most of us had encountered some personalities that really annoyed us no end.These encounters occurred mostly at the workplace where conflicts often ignite disagreements.Most often too,the relational problems that result consume us.One author says that "frogs have a tremendous advantage over humans,as they can consume what bugs them."

What bugs you about people? Is it their inconsistency? Inflexibility? Inability to give and take? Or is it their bad attitudes? Most people can handle disagreements,differences in opinions but negative attitudes spoil our day.

Despite the fact that most of us in Batch '63 had retired from work,in our daily activities we still meet these people,so we might as well learn how to deal with them effectively. John C.Maxwell,in his book, Be a People Person, advised that it will be helpful to identify their common traits so we can choose how react to them.They can make us or break us not by the treatment we receive but by how we respond to it.He described difficult personalities like the Sherman Tank, Space Cadet,Volcano,Thumb Sucker,Wet Blanket,Garbage Collector and User.We have meet them all or perhaps in one way or another we had become one of them. Have you recognized someone who is in a category all by himself? Take heart,put into practice some general rules to work with them effectively:

1.Love them unconditionally.
2.Ask God for wisdom in working with them.
3.Stay emotionally healthy yourself.
4.Do not elevate them to positions of leadership.
5.Be honest with God,yourself and them.

Are these tall orders?


Pilar Villegas Cuevas said...

Luz thanks for posting this write up about dealing with people. It is true that sometimes we feel not good with others because of their attitudes. It really happens to me. Last night I am thinking of those people I don't like because of their attitudes. Gusto ko kasi sa tao totoong tao at hindi plastic. I hate talking at the back of others. Prayer is really the best remedy to love others no matter what they are. Take Care and God Bless.

ErnestoDR said...

This teaching of love is the central core of Jesus' teachings,(And Gandhi, Confucius, Mohammad, Buddha,etal), and the most difficult thing to attain!
Reason being people have different perspectives of how to express love. Christians would say love your neighbors (those who are in need, whoever they are) . Muslims would say eliminate the infidels - the evil non-Muslims. Others say live in a cloistered community away from being exposed to the evil that the modern world brings. The list goes onand on.
Even in Christian perspectives, we often differ in expressions of love. For instance, is love being kind to somebody even if that somebody is doing you wrong and you are not correcting him? Is love being silent about peoples mistakes? Is love being a fence-sitter in government affairs and remaining uninvolved because it will somehow put you in trouble? Is it love not lifting a finger to point those who rob the government of its coffers? Is it love to turn one's back from a crime he saw and said I didn't see a thing. Is it loving your child by giving him anything he wants because you can afford it? What if you deny him that? When do you draw the line between loving and pampering? Is it love sparing the rod? Is it love serving the object of your love but not putting so in words? Is it love relegating your old parents to the nursing home, away from their children and yet being cared for by medical staff? And the questions go on and on?
What is really love? What is the right expression of love? to a spouse? to a child? to a brother or a sister? to a stranger?
How does one love the UNLOVABLE?
Please elucidate!

neliaamparo said...

Ernie,let me contribute somehow in describing the meaning of love.From the time of JESUS,He taught the people of unconditional love.But He also draw a line between what is right and wrong.And that is where morality plays a role. And morality is based on the ten commandments which is divided just in two.Love God above all and love your neighbors.These people who work for the gov't.,who are in short crooks don't follow the golden rule and therefore not suited for the position that the people have voted them for.What they do is very much outside the context of morality.Do you remember when Jesus went to a church in Jerusalem and found that the church of God was converted into a market place? He got so mad throwing everything His hands could lay into.That's what we are supposed to do when we find things being done outside His commandments.I agree with you that it's very hard to do.I hope that I have at least contributed to your quest. Nelia

lucille said...

Yes,Ernie,all those things pertaining to love that you have just mentioned can be differentiated by how we chose to act.Let's say ,we condemn the wrong acts of some people,they become unlovable to us.Loving them become so difficult but we can do something, be full of Apostle Paul offered this advice".If possible,so far as it depends upon you,be at peace with all men" (Rom.12:18)
Love is really loving the unlovable .In Mathew 22:39 we read Jesus command to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

neliaamparo said...

Luz,It is true that we have to love our neighbors as ourselves and it includes our families and friends and those that we don't even know,and those that have done us wrong.It is true also that we have to be at peace with all mankind.But if we know that people are making mistakes, we have to correct them because it's our responsibility to God not to do so. If we are a witness to a crime done by one of our family,we cannot be silent about it because we love them.The best way to love them is to correct their mistake.I know it hurts but we have to do what we have to do.That is the only way we can have peace bec. if we din't do it our conscience will bother us for the rest of our lives.These politicians,do you think they will stop being a crook if people keep silent?It is true that a lot of good people are getting killed for acknowledging their evil ways but at least they tried,and I'm sure these people didn't die in vain.Hopefully those who are fighting for the right will outnumber the crooks and that later on ,we will have a better life especially the future generations.

ErnestoDR said...

Just to spark our discussion a little bit more.
For example, someone requested you for a loan, and because you have extra funds and the person seemed so desperate and almost begging you to help him, you relented even when you are allocating the money for a future expense. Now comes the repayment and he was unable pay his debt. So you make an honest request, nothing happened, then an appeal, same thing, then a demand, but to no avail. Then as a last resort you told him you will go to court. This made him angry, so you couldn't speak to him anymore.
It may be easy to forgive him and love him, if the debt is maybe P1,000 or perhaps P20,000. But if the loan is worth P1,000,000 or more, how could you love such a person?
I need you expert Christian advice.