LAUGHTERPEDIA

Nakakatulog na nga ako mga kapatid sa batch '63. Mukhang busy karamihan. Anyway thanks sa jokes ni Luz. Sige joke time muna, tawagin nating "Laughterpedia". Pero dagdagan ninyo ha iilan pa lang ito.

Marriage Humor
W : What are you doing?
H: Nothing
W: Nothing? You've been reading our marriage contract for nan hour
H: I was looking for the expiration date

W: Do you want dinner?
H: Sure! What are my choices?
W: Yes or No

W: You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?
H: When there's a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem dis-
appears.
W: See! How miraculous and powerful I am for you?
H: Yes! I see your picture and ask myself, what other problem can there be greater than this
one!

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks, for the early warning.

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
What was that for? the man asked.
The wife replied, That was for that piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in
your pants pocket.
The man then said, "When I was at the race last week , Jenny was the name of the horse I
bet on."
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man was watching TV when the wife bashes him on the head with an
even bigger frying pan knocking him down. Upon regaining composure the man asked why
she had hit him again.
The wife replied, " Your horse phoned !"

SIGNS THAT MAKE YOU SMILE

CAUTION!
THIS MACHINE HAS NO BRAIN
USE YOUR OWN ..

OUR AIM IS TO KEEP THIS BATHROOM CLEAN
Gentlemen..
Your aim will help. Stand closer . It's SHORTER THAN YOU THINK..
Ladies..
Please remain .. SEATED FOR THE ENTIRE PERFORMANCE

PLEASE BE SAFE
Do not stand, sit,
climb or lean on zoo fences
If you fall, animals
could eat you
And that could make them sick..
THANK YOU.

Attention ... DOG GUARDIANS
Please pick up after your dogs. Thank you.
Attention ... DOGS
Grrrr, bark, woof
Good dog!

One Out Of Four People In This Country Is Mentally Unbalanced.
Think of your 3 closest friends....
If they seem OKAY,
Then You're the One

We'll be friends
Until we are old and senile
Then we'll be NEW Friends

WELL, SANA KAHIT PAANO NANGITI KAYO..

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Just a thought for those non-English speaking people......

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose , but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses , not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

One may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose'
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren ,
But though we say mother , we never say methren.
Then the musculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine : she shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language,
For there's no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger '
neither apple nor pine in pineapple and
English muffins weren't even invented in England.
We take English for granted , but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly , boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If a teacher taught , why didn't preachers praught
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play
and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same ,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down,
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop,
how come Mother is not Mop?
AND IF PEOPLE IN POLAND ARE CALLED POLES
THEN PEOPLE IN HOLLAND SHOULD BE HOLES
AND THE GERMANS..... GERMS